6 Signs You Have Poor Boundaries

People with poor boundaries usually fall into one of two categories: those who take too much responsibility for other people's emotions/actions, and those who expect others to take too much responsibility for their own emotions/actions. Surprisingly, these two types of people often end up in a relationship.

So, how can you tell if your boundaries are weak? Here are 6 signs you have poor boundaries: 

You Have A Hard Time Saying “No”

This is a common issue among people who have trouble setting boundaries. Either people are constantly demanding things they have no business requesting, or you have a tendency to people-please, or both are problematic and show that you haven't been clear on what you need, feel, and desire before making the switch between giving and taking back.

People learn how to treat us when we teach them how to do it. You're reinforcing the problem by teaching them that everything they want you to do is okay if you don't speak up and say no (thus reinforcing your boundaries).

Recommended Book: The Secret Language of Relationships: Your Complete Personology Guide to Any Relationship with Anyone

You Are Afraid Of Criticism

Usually, it’s fear that prevents us from setting healthy boundaries. Fears of rejection or criticism, as well as hurting other people's feelings, are typical among people who have weak boundaries. Because of our fears, we find it difficult to establish our needs, so we stay passive, going along with what others want or need in order to prevent uncomfortable feelings.

You Feel Judgmental Of Other People's Actions

A friend texts you the morning of your plans to cancel them because she isn't feeling well. You believe she's being selfish, and you secretly wish you could make the same decision, but you don't because you don't think it's the "correct" or "responsible" thing to do. 

When you find yourself judging other people's choices while secretly longing for that same choice, it's a sign that you're sacrificing your own limits and could better them.

You Make Bad Financial Choices

You lend money to everyone even when you know they won’t pay you back. You let your friends persuade you to make lavish purchases despite the fact that you don't have enough resources. You already have credit card debt and are unsure if you will be able to repay it. At the end of the month, you never have any money left. This is because you haven't taken the time to create and stick to a personal budget, thus your spending is out of control.

Recommended Book: Mindful Relationship Habits: 25 Practices for Couples to Enhance Intimacy, Nurture Closeness, and Grow a Deeper Connection

You Accept Blame For Things You Didn’t Do

A boundary ensures that you are solely responsible for your own acts, thoughts, and feelings, not for the behaviour of others. 

If you have weak boundaries, you're more likely to accept responsibilities that aren't yours since you don't know where yours finishes and someone else's limit starts. Someone with weak boundaries, for example, might blame their teammate for poor work or their spouse for a bad mood, and maybe even try to fix it.

You Consistently Find Yourself In Bad Situations

Do you ever feel like people take advantage of you or cross the line on a regular basis?

This, too, is a sign that your boundaries are weak. If you allow someone to cross the line, you have limits that are being violated. You may not even realise that appropriate boundaries are the issue; all you know is that you're feeling awful because people in your life are always pushing the limits.

Follow us on YouTube